A collection of updates, thoughts & insights
We at Passaggi are proud to be included in the article about celebrants and the national association of celebrants in Italy (Federcelebranti) in the national weekly magazine Venerdì of the newspaper the Repubblica (22 May 2022, number 1783). Clarissa was one of the celebrants interviewed by the journalist Antonio Barina who not only spoke in depth with her about how we work but he also observed her in action.
Regions of Italy - LAZIO! How could we not begin here? It has Rome the "eternal city", the centre of the world for so many centuries, whose beauty is undeniable and that all of us at Passaggi have a special link to (Giulia was born and grew up there, Sarah lived there for many years and it's been her favourite Italian city since she first came to Italy as a student, and Clarissa has lived there for over 30 years).
Bridegroom with his groomsmen in front of the Pantheon in Rome. Photo by Light & Dreams
Here we see the best men using very Italian hand gestures in front of the Pantheon, one of the wonders of the ancient world that you will still amaze you today.
One of our favourite venues in Rome has to be Villa Aurelia. At the top of the Gianiculum it commands some of the best views over Rome. It is a stunningly beautiful villa with gorgeous outdoor spaces with terraces, a lemon garden, and a secret garden. Perfect if you are looking for a sophisticated and stylish wedding venue! This is from their website: ”Villa Aurelia, property of the American Academy in Rome, from the time of its construction has assumed various names accompanying changes in ownership: Villa Farnese, Villa Borbone, Villa Giraud, Villa Savorelli, Villa Heyland. The Villa was built by Cardinal Girolamo Farnese (1599 – 1668) atop the Gianiculum, along the Aurelian walls close to Porta San Pancrazio. The property had belonged to Pope Paolo III as part of the Farnese family vineyards."
Villa Aurelia in Rome
But there’s a lot more to Lazio than Rome despite it often being overlooked by visitors. One example of a fantastic place to get married in Lazio is Castello Ruspoli. It's in the town of Vignanello in the province of Viterbo. Its long history involves all the important noble families of the area - Orsini, Farnese, Aldobrandini and Borgia - as well as the Marescotti-Ruspoli family who lend it their name and can count 15 popes. Ottavia Orsini, daughter of Vicino Orsini who commissioned the "Park of Monsters" in nearby Bomarzo, had the beautiful Renaissance-style hanging garden built. The building as seen today is by Sangallo il Giovane and the garden was designed by Jacopo Barozzi da Vignola, both very important 16th-century architects. Handel spent much time and composed many of his Italian cantatas here between 1706 and 1709. So, this is an ideal venue for the history, Italian garden, or classical music lover!
Castello Ruspoli
As well as these elegant venues, Lazio also has many charming villas in the countryside which offer many possibilities of where to have your wedding ceremony in their extensive grounds. Some, such as Borgo di Tragliata, Casale Doria Pamphili or Casale del Gallo are also very easy to get to from Rome’s airports, which can make it really easy for your guests.
There are many ways you can involve children in a wedding ceremony, whether they are the bride and bridegroom’s children, their nephews and nieces, or kids who are dear to their hearts. These ideas are not just for outgoing or confident kids, but also for those who want to take part in the ceremony without taking centre stage. We at Passaggi con offer some tips from our experience with local and destination weddings in Italy.
A little boy who is excited about participating
Naturally, when involving kids in a wedding ceremony there are various things you have to take into consideration, above all their age and their willingness to participate. For the little ones, it is a good idea to have parents or older children ready to help them if they need guidance. With little kids it is also important to keep in mind that not all may go to plan and sometimes there can be last minute refusals, however if everyone is relaxed about it then sometimes these unscripted moments of running instead of walking down the aisle, of throwing all the petals in one go, or refusing to bring the rings forward can bring unexpected laughter and smiles to the ceremony.
A role that is traditionally given to children is that of flower girl or page. As such they are part of the bridal party entering on their own or with a bridesmaid. Often children take this role quite seriously and the little ones often enjoy the practice of throwing rose petals as much as the ceremony itself. Their entrance can be a very sweet moment for the guests and couple who are watching and will certainly make the children feel important.
Another way to include children for them to be ring-bearers with the responsibility of bringing the rings to the front, which is traditionally assigned to the best man. Naturally, an adult should hold onto the rings until that moment and then give them to the child/children when the moment arrives. In this video, the couple’s nephew and niece have been given this task and they end up enthusiastically running down the aisl
In another wedding, the bride’s nephew manages to fulfil this role very well and immediately looks to his parents for approval.
A little boy, the bride’s nephew, turns back to his parents for approval after performing his duty as ring-bearer
Another idea, again to do with the rings, is that older children help out with the ring-warming by passing out the rings on a cushion or holding each end of a cord or a ribbon for the rings to be slid along. In the photo below the couple’s nephews hold each end of the ribbon on which the rings are passed along for the guests to hold and bless the rings in their own way. The boys’ participation and enjoyment meant that the ring warming was even more heartfelt. And since the kids don’t have to be at the front even shy ones can feel comfortable taking part in this way.
Older children holding a ribbon for the ring-warming. Photo by Emanuele Fumanti
There are other ways that children can lend a hand during the ceremony. For example in bilingual weddings we do in English and Italian, couples sometimes choose to have children hand out their vows in the other language just before they say them to each other. For more tips for bilingual weddings click here.
If instead you opt for a ritual such as the sand ceremony, children can be asked to bring forward the various objects involved or be part of it by pouring the sand. If there is a candle lighting ritual they can bring the candle forward. This kind of involvement works for any type of symbolic ritual. For example, in this wedding the bridegroom’s two daughters took part in the tree planting ceremony by watering the tree.
The bridegroom’s daughters taking part in a tree-planting ritual in a wedding ceremony
Finally, a way of involving children who are shy or do not want to stand up in front of the guests is to have them act as ushers, or to have them distribute the little bags of confetti, rice or petals for the couple’s exit.
Couple embrace at the “golden hour” after their wedding ceremony in Rome. Photo by Light & Dreams
Working in Italy we do many weddings in Italian and English. Sometimes one of the couple is Italian and the other from an English speaking country (or their shared language is English). Other times, both are Italian but they live and work overseas and have many international guests and therefore want to include them in their ceremony. For these reasons, we work with them to decide the best way to create a bilingual wedding ceremony.
There are various ways to do this and it’s a good idea to evaluate all your options before you start crafting the ceremony with your celebrant.
The celebrant’s role
One way is for the celebrant to write the script in both languages and officiate the entire ceremony alternating between the two. For example, after an introduction in Italian, it is then given in English, and so on for each part of the ceremony. This way everyone present can understand the whole ceremony, however it can make the ceremony a little long, and for those who understand both languages, it could potentially be repetitive.
video clip of celebrant Sarah Morgan in bilingual wedding ceremony in Italian and English in Puglia
To avoid this “consecutive translation” effect, the celebrant could welcome everybody in both languages, and then weave the other parts of the ceremony together using both languages but not in an exact translation. For example, in the Love Story (which is often the most personal and detailed elements the ceremony) the celebrant would use both languages so that all the guests are able to follow the story but without having to hear each detail twice, or laugh at the jokes again. This is a great challenge for the celebrant — a challenge we rise to with pleasure! — but it is usually very successful, inclusive, and emotional for both sides.
In either case, we advise switching over to the second language frequently so that guests do not have to sit through long spells without understanding anything..
A third way, especially if there is a small minority present who only understand one of the languages, would be to welcome them at the beginning and present the couple at the end in their own language. (We have actually done this in many different languages, even ones we don’t speak but it’s always nice to learn how to pronounce a short phrase!). Aside from these moments, the translation of the rest of the ceremony would be printed in advance in the form of a booklet. When the guests take their seats, they will find the booklet and be able to read along.
This format can also be used successfully for other parts of the ceremony such as readings. For example, we have done quite a few bilingual weddings where the couple chooses one reading in English and one in Italian and the translations are provided.
The vows
The vows can be the trickiest part of a bilingual wedding. What you certainly don’t want is for the guests to be able to read the vows before hearing the words from the couple! For this reason it is not a good idea to include them in any translation of the whole or parts of the ceremony.
So what should you do?
One way, even if the couple are both of the same mother-tongue, is for them to write their vows in a mixture of both. For example, Federica and Andrea chose to do this since, even though they are both Italian, they live international lives. They felt that using some English in their vows reflected their life and love, and it didn’t matter that not everybody could follow every word.
Little boy handing out vows at a bilingual wedding ceremony
Another way is to hand out the vows in a written form just before the couple pronounces them, which is what Valentina and Salvatore chose to do. This can be a nice way to include children who can be given the task of distributing them to your guests. Naturally, this involves the celebrant having previously translated them and/or having kept them away from everyone until that moment.
Video clip of bilingual ring exchange in Italian and English in Rome by Diego Mercadante
Another way that we have found to be very touching is for each person to pronounce their vows in the language of the other. This is what Nicoletta and Dàire chose to do when they exchanged rings. Hearing the bride speak to the groom in his language, and vice versa, before their families and friends from both backgrounds, was a very romantic and emotional moment and certainly showed their commitment to accepting one another’s language and cultured including their new families.
Handfasting is a beautiful ritual to consider including in your wedding ceremony. It involves the celebrant, or even a special friend or relative, tying cords or ribbons around your hands to signify your union.
Celebrant Sarah Morgan doing a handfasting ritual in a wedding ceremony. Photo by Valeria Mameli. Venue: Azienda Agrituristica Sa Mandar, Sardinia
It has ancient Celtic origins, sometimes used to represent a betrothal as well as sanctifying a couple’s commitment. A ceremony with a couple saying their vows and a handfasting was an alternative to a church wedding for forming a marriage in many parts of Britain for centuries. From the 1960s it has been adopted by Neopagans or Wiccans as their wedding ritual.
In a celebrant-led wedding, like for any other element, you can choose how to adopt this ritual to suit your taste and beliefs. It can be as simple or elaborate as you wish. If you like the Celtic idea of summoning the spirits of nature to bear witness to your union friends can represent the four directions and elements (earth, fire, water, air) by standing around you and the couple can repeat a Celtic handfasting vow before the celebrant ties the cords or ribbons. Or, you can choose to have a very simple handfasting with only a few words before about what it represents for you (to bind your lives together, to tie the knot, to create a tie that is unbreakable etc).
Photo by Light & Dreams
The way in which you hold your hands and the way the cords are tied can vary. One way is that the couple face each other holding both hands the the cords are tied around them as on a gift. Another is to hold your hands by crossing them over and thus forming the infinity symbol, or you can one hand opposite hands or side by side. Instead of your hands forming the infinity symbol you can tie the cords in an infinity knot. Finally, a very simple but effective way is to just loosely drape the cords around your hands.
Photo by Emanuele Fumanti
You can choose cords or ribbons that are in some way meaningful to you (like in a wedding in which one of the brides who had Scottish origins chose to use family tartan ribbons) or colours that are symbolic of qualities you would like for your marriage, or just colours or cords that you just really like. It’s fun to be creative and you can find beautiful handwoven cords to buy and you can decide to braid them yourselves.
Celebrant Clarissa Botsford smiling as the seated couple look at each other while holding hands. Photo by Inesse Handmade Photography. Wedding Planner: Mediterranea Wedding and Flowers
At a traditional wedding in Italy, be it a religious or civil ceremony, couples usually stand (or sit) with their backs to their guests, facing the priest or officiant. If you don’t tell the venue or your wedding planner your preference, this is usually how they will place you. But, this way you miss out on seeing your guests’ reactions and interacting with them, and they miss out on seeing the emotion on your faces (which, if we’re honest, is the thing that they most want to see!). However, in a celebrant-led wedding, there are no rules; as with every other aspect of your wedding, you are totally free to decide what’s best for you. Here are some suggestions about positioning that can make the experience of your wedding ceremony better for you and your guests.
One simple but powerful change is to stand (or sit) facing one another so that you can see and feel each other’s emotions, smiles, and tears. This position allows you to turn slightly towards your guests in the lighter moments of the ceremony, such as the love story, and thus include them. You can then turn your gaze back to one another in the more emotionally-charged moments exclusive to you, such as exchanging your personal vows, or during a special ritual.
Celebrant Sarah Morgan standing in the middle of the couple who for the vows face each other but her are facing slightly outwards and are interacting with their guests. Photo by Monica Leggio. Venue: Villa Pianciani (Spoleto, Umbria). Wedding Planners: Bianco Antico & Laura Bravi Events.
Whether to sit or stand is another choice and it depends on the length or your ceremony and the position you are more comfortable with. Sitting can be a good option if you are planning on involving other people in the ceremony in readings, music, or speeches. If sitting, sit together at a slight angle so you can follow the celebrant and see and interact with the guests. Naturally, if you choose this option, you would stand up for the part in which you are the complete, for the vows and the ring exchange.
Beach wedding with brides sitting to the side with celebrant in the middle (where they will go to say their vows) and reader on the other side
There are no hard and fast rules about who should be on what side, either. Traditionally, the bride was on the left, so that the groom’s sword-hand was free to defend her. In a Jewish wedding, the bride stands to the right of the groom under the Chuppah. In a celebrant-led wedding, you can choose. One of you may think you look better in the photos on one side rather than the other. Again, it’s your wedding so you get to decide.
Similarly, your guests do not have to sit in two different aisles. You can encourage them to mix. Or you can create a semi-circle around the focus — especially in a smaller wedding.
Another small variation can truly revolutionize the ceremony: your celebrant can be positioned away from the focus, for the whole ceremony or for parts of it, so that your guests — and very importantly the photographers — have you and only you in their sights, with nothing else in the frame. The celebrant can stand to one side, not too far away, so that you can maintain eye contact and hear the all-important words of the ceremony.
Whatever you do, make sure it is your decision. Your celebrant should be open to discussing all your options and explaining the advantages and disadvantages of them.
The ritual of jumping over a broom to mark the entrance into your new life as a married couple can be a fun ritual to add to your wedding ceremony. It symbolises the new beginning that getting married represents, while sweeping away the old. It shows you boldly and joyfully leaving your past and taking a leap into your future. It can also represent the leap of faith and trust that entering a marriage requires.
Alessia & Alessandro about to jump at their beach wedding in Lazio, Italy. Photo by La Pineta Studio
Its origins are not precisely known. It is popularly associated with African American culture (many couples use it now to acknowledge the struggle of their ancestors who used the ritual to signify their unions since as slaves they not permitted to marry) but it was in fact used in parts of Britain and was linked to Welsh and Celtic tradition from the early 18th century. Here the broom would be placed on the threshold of the house and the couple would hold hands and jump into their new home and life.
The broom, or besom (broom made from a bunch of twigs tied to a pole) represents the home and hearth. You can decorate the handle with ribbons or beads to make it more ornamental for the occasion.
When used in wedding ceremonies today the jumping of the broom usually takes place at the very end after you have made your vows and exchanged rings. It can be a way to involve guests either by asking a couple to hold the broom, or simply by asking them to join in while counting down to the jump.
Photo by La Pineta Studio
Micro weddings is the current buzz word for small, intimate weddings, generally considered those with no more than 20-30 guests. They are also sometimes known as “minimonies”. They should not be confused with elopements, which are weddings with just the couple and the celebrant.
For obvious reasons, they have become a trend in 2020, but in fact many couples were already having them before, especially those who chose to have destination weddings.
Celebrant Sarah Morgan during Emily and Ben’s wedding ceremony an olive grove. Photo by Chris & Ruth
As celebrants working in Italy, we have done many weddings now considered “micro” and from this experience can talk about why some couples choose them over large, traditional weddings.
The wedding ceremony in its essence is about two people standing before their most intimate loved ones and vowing to pledge their lives to one another. A micro wedding ceremony can be very powerful because everyone there is particularly emotionally involved in the moment. It may also mean that the guests were more hands-on in the preparation. For example, at Silvia and Elliot’s wedding when I arrived hours before the ceremony I found their friends and family setting up the chairs and arranging the flowers. It is also easier to involve all the guests in symbolic rituals such as ring warming or forming a circle around the couple if the group is small, such as with Paige and David’s wedding. Some couples, especially shy or reserved ones, find traditional weddings, in which they would be the focus of attention in a large public setting, too much pressure, and so a micro wedding can be the solution.
Video of ring warming during wedding ceremony at intimate wedding in Italy with celebrant Clarissa Botsford looking on
For many couples, having fewer guests to worry about means that they can be more relaxed during the preparation phase and above all on the big day. It means they can spend more time with each guest.
Cost may also be a reason for the couple not to have a large wedding, but some couples, instead of saving money, chose to spend more days with their guests. For example, Ben and Emily from New Zealand had their wedding ceremony at the end of a week spent with their dearest friends and family members so it came as a culmination of an amazing sojourn, of a shared experience.
From the celebrant’s point of view, I have to admit I love to do weddings without a microphone. It is also easier to be flexible in terms of when to start the ceremony in case of shifting weather if there are fewer guests to shepherd around.
That said, micro weddings are not for everyone. Many couples dream about having large weddings and they have their own advantages. Disappointing family members and friends by not inviting them to your small wedding is undoubtedly the biggest drawback. However, they can be combined with a party or a series of celebrations in order to share the experience with everyone (perhaps even projecting images of the wedding ceremony).
Pille & Juhan’s wedding near Spoleto (Umbria) in late October. Photo by Italy Wedding Story Tellers shot by Elisa Michelini and Andrea Cittadini.
While the most popular time for weddings in Italy continue to be May - early June and late August - early September, there are many reasons to have your wedding in late September and October.
Foremost, is the temperature. There may not be those long warm evenings in autumn like there are in summer, however autumn in Italy can often have warm sunny days (called the “ottobrate” in Rome) that often come in October when the sting has gone from the heat and when you can really enjoy being outside. With the more comfortable temperatures you can have your wedding ceremony during the day and then celebrate all afternoon outside, which is impossible in summer.
Secondly, is the light. Artists have always appreciated the changes in colour and light at this time of year and photographers can certainly take advantage of the softer and more romantic light as well as the changing colours of the landscape. Spring may well be known for its vigour and brightness but autumn has a more subtle and refined quality.
Thirdly, is the price. Since the demand on venues goes down after the peak period you can save money getting married at this time of year. Venues for your wedding, as well as for your honeymoon if you stay on in Italy, can cost considerably less.. Additionally, there are far fewer tourists at this time of year compared with spring or summer and so it’s one of the best times of year for sightseeing.
Of course, in autumn there can also be blustery and rainy days, so there is no guarantee and you must always have a rainy weather option for your ceremony and reception. However, I have officiated at weddings in summer when it rained and so this is true for any day you pick. And, changeable weather can also happen in spring so in itself should not put you off autumn.
For me personally, living in Italy late September and October is my favourite time of the year. I live in the countryside and it’s a time when I start to enjoy going for long walks, picking some of nature’s bounty (for example our walnuts and hazelnuts as well as pears), watching as the vineyards harvest their grapes (the view from our house is across a hill to a vineyard which I love watching change colour from green, to yellow, and then to red), and then picking our own olives at the end of October and enjoying the amazing taste of our new olive oil.
Sarah
A video clip of an example of how to remember loved ones in a wedding ceremony with celebrant Clarissa Botsford
There are so many ways to remember a relative or loved one as an integral part of your personalised wedding. After all, your wedding day is a way to celebrate with the people you love. The need to remember and honour a deceased loved one is especially strong if it is a family member you have always imagined would be there on this most special day and their absence is felt all the more keenly.
It is part of our role as celebrants to help you as a couple to work out how to acknowledge them in your unique ceremony, crafting the words until everybody feels comfortable with them and that help to create an atmosphere of shared emotion that blesses your day, or, if you do not want anything said, finding a private way to represent their presence.
Keep a seat reserved.
One of our brides kept a front-row chair aside for her twin sister who had sadly died. She thought it would be too difficult to have anything said, but the rose on the seat was a reassuring presence for her and the space did not feel empty; it was filled with love and good memories.
Include them in your symbolic rite
A glass raised, for example, during a wine ceremony, or an extra layer of a differently coloured sand to add in their name. An added ribbon or cord during a hand-fasting, or a close relative laying the ribbon or cord on your hands in their name, could be very effective. Your loved one would be forever woven into your life, or tied into your infinity knot.
Have a moment of reflection.
Of course, you do not want to transform your wedding day into a memorial service, but a subtly-written, even humorous, mention of the importance of that person in your life and the role they will continue to play throughout your marriage, can be very powerful. A moment of silence with some music that evokes their memory is another way to honour them.
Dedicate a reading or a piece of music they would have chosen
Dedicating a reading to someone — perhaps an excerpt from a story they once read to you, a poem you know they loved, or something like a letter they wrote to you —or a piece of music that somehow captures their essence can be very uplifting.
Have an open locket with a photograph arranged into your bouquet
This is a very subtle, and intimate, way to remember someone you love. You can hold the locket for extra luck while you are saying your vows, or simply feel that person’s presence, lending you strength.
Wear something special on the day
Another even more subtle way to honour someone’s memory is simply to wear something of theirs on the day (“something old…”)
Include a favourite recipe in the refreshments
Call it something special on the menu like “Nonna Vincenza’s top tiramisu”.
Include something in the Programme Booklet
A photo, an anecdote, a joke, a favourite short poem, could be included in the wedding booklet as a way to underline their presence on the day.
Give a close relative of the deceased a special role in the ceremony
If your father has died, for example, maybe his brother can take you down the aisle? Or have the first dance.
If it is one of your parents who has passed away, do not include them on the wedding invitation as if they were hosting the event since this may be difficult for guests to interpret.
If you are planning something in your personalised ceremony to remember a loved one, it is a good idea to check with your closest family and theirs (a second marriage, perhaps?) to make sure they are okay with it. The last thing you want is to create a scene on your wedding day.
And remember, there is no one right way to remember a loved one. Talk through the options with your celebrant and think about how you will feel on the big day as some ways may be too emotional for you.
Professional celebrants based in Rome and Umbria delivering personal and heartfelt ceremonies across Italy, Whatever the occasion may be. Established in 2014.
