We’re in Repubblica again with an article about a wedding Clarissa celebrated in Puglia

It’s an honour to once again be mentioned in Repubblica, one of the most important national newspapers in Italy. The journalist Concita de Gregori wrote this article about a wedding Clarissa celebrated in Puglia. It was a pretty special wedding since the bride, Erica Mou, is a professional singer and is well-loved in her native Puglia. She even sang afterwards for all the guests!

Photo by Umberto Lopez

Here is an excerpt from the article:

“On Sunday I went to the most beautiful wedding I have ever seen. it was truly a wonderful ceremony filled with happiness and light and shimmering emotion. What makes a wedding ceremony so amazing depends on who is celebrating it, Clarissa Botsford (who I already knew as an excellent translator) is also a celebrant: she creates ceremonies "tailored" to the couple by devoting a lot of time to them well before the wedding and building ceremony that reflects them.”

Regions of Italy. Why get married in Lazio

Regions of Italy - LAZIO! How could we not begin here? It has Rome the "eternal city", the centre of the world for so many centuries, whose beauty is undeniable and that all of us at Passaggi have a special link to (Giulia was born and grew up there, Sarah lived there for many years and it's been her favourite Italian city since she first came to Italy as a student, and Clarissa has lived there for over 30 years). 

Bridegroom with his groomsmen in front of the Pantheon in Rome. Photo by Light & Dreams

Here we see the best men using very Italian hand gestures in front of the Pantheon, one of the wonders of the ancient world that you will still amaze you today.

One of our favourite venues in Rome has to be Villa Aurelia. At the top of the Gianiculum it commands some of the best views over Rome. It is a stunningly beautiful  villa with gorgeous outdoor spaces with terraces, a lemon garden, and a secret garden. Perfect if you are looking for a sophisticated and stylish wedding venue! This is from their website: ”Villa Aurelia, property of the American Academy in Rome, from the time of its construction has assumed various names accompanying changes in ownership: Villa Farnese, Villa Borbone, Villa Giraud, Villa Savorelli, Villa Heyland. The Villa was built by Cardinal Girolamo Farnese (1599 – 1668) atop the Gianiculum, along the Aurelian walls close to Porta San Pancrazio. The property had belonged to Pope Paolo III as part of the Farnese family vineyards."

Villa Aurelia in Rome

But there’s a lot more to Lazio than Rome despite it often being overlooked by visitors. One example of a fantastic place to get married in Lazio is Castello Ruspoli. It's in the town of Vignanello in the province of Viterbo. Its long history involves all the important noble families of the area - Orsini, Farnese, Aldobrandini and Borgia - as well as the Marescotti-Ruspoli family who lend it their name and can count 15 popes. Ottavia Orsini, daughter of Vicino Orsini who commissioned the "Park of Monsters" in nearby Bomarzo, had the beautiful Renaissance-style  hanging garden built. The building as seen today is by Sangallo il Giovane and the garden was designed by Jacopo Barozzi da Vignola, both very important 16th-century architects. Handel spent much time and composed many of his Italian cantatas here between 1706 and 1709. So, this is an ideal venue for the history, Italian garden, or classical music lover!

Castello Ruspoli

As well as these elegant venues, Lazio also has many charming villas in the countryside which offer many possibilities of where to have your wedding ceremony in their extensive grounds. Some, such as Borgo di Tragliata, Casale Doria Pamphili or Casale del Gallo are also very easy to get to from Rome’s airports, which can make it really easy for your guests.

Ideas for involving kids in wedding ceremonies (and not just for the outgoing ones)

There are many ways you can involve children in a wedding ceremony, whether they are the bride and bridegroom’s children, their nephews and nieces, or kids who are dear to their hearts. These ideas are not just for outgoing or confident kids, but also for those who want to take part in the ceremony without taking centre stage. We at Passaggi con offer some tips from our experience  with local and destination weddings in Italy.

A little boy who is excited about participating

Naturally, when involving kids in a wedding ceremony there are various things you have to take into consideration, above all their age and their willingness to participate. For the little ones, it is a good idea to have parents or older children ready to help them if they need guidance. With little kids it is also important to keep in mind that not all may go to plan and sometimes there can be last minute refusals, however if everyone is relaxed about it then sometimes these unscripted moments of running instead of walking down the aisle, of throwing all the petals in one go, or refusing to bring the rings forward can bring unexpected laughter and smiles to the ceremony.

A role that is traditionally given to children is that of flower girl or page. As such they are part of the bridal party entering on their own or with a bridesmaid. Often children take this role quite seriously and the little ones often enjoy the practice of throwing rose petals as much as the ceremony itself. Their entrance can be a very sweet moment for the guests and couple who are watching and will certainly make the children feel important.

Another way to include children for them to be ring-bearers with the responsibility of bringing the rings to the front, which is traditionally assigned to the best man. Naturally, an adult should hold onto the rings until that moment and then give them to the child/children when the moment arrives. In this video, the couple’s nephew and niece have been given this task and they end up enthusiastically running down the aisl

In another wedding, the bride’s nephew manages to fulfil this role very well and immediately looks to his parents for approval.

A little boy, the bride’s nephew, turns back to his parents for approval after performing his duty as ring-bearer

Another idea, again to do with the rings, is that older children help out with the ring-warming by passing out the rings on a cushion or holding each end of a cord or a ribbon for the rings to be slid along. In the photo below the couple’s nephews hold each end of the ribbon on which the rings are passed along for the guests to hold and bless the rings in their own way. The boys’ participation and enjoyment meant that the ring warming was even more heartfelt. And since the kids don’t have to be at the front even shy ones can feel comfortable taking part in this way.

Older children holding a ribbon for the ring-warming. Photo by Emanuele Fumanti

There are other ways that children can lend a hand during the ceremony. For example in bilingual weddings we do in English and Italian, couples sometimes choose to have children hand out their vows in the other language just before they say them to each other. For more tips for bilingual weddings click here.

If instead you opt for a ritual such as the sand ceremony, children can be asked to bring forward the various objects involved or be part of it by pouring the sand. If there is a candle lighting ritual they can bring the candle forward. This kind of involvement works for any type of symbolic ritual. For example, in this wedding the bridegroom’s two daughters took part in the tree planting ceremony by watering the tree.

The bridegroom’s daughters taking part in a tree-planting ritual in a wedding ceremony

Finally, a way of involving children who are shy or do not want to stand up in front of the guests is to have them act as ushers, or to have them distribute the little bags of confetti, rice or petals for the couple’s exit.

Bridal entrance; set the tone of your wedding from the way you enter!

Your idea of how you want your wedding to kick off — your entrance — has probably been shaped by tradition, by the films and princess cartoons you have watched and by your childhood dreams.

“Walking down the aisle” is the expression you would probably use to refer to the opening moment of a wedding when a bride enters a church, traditionally on her father’s arm, and slowly proceeds towards the altar where her groom (and officiant) await her. This is also known as the “processional”. The conventional sequence is completed when the bride’s father “gives the bride away” to the groom, representing her change in status.

You may want to keep some, or all, of these elements — or do something completely different — and the great thing is, with a celebrant-led wedding

YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT!

The most important thing about a personalized ceremony that has been scrupulously prepared together with your professional celebrant is that the form and the content of the ceremony are perfectly aligned and reflect WHO YOU ARE AS AN INDIVIDUAL AND A COUPLE.

Take this entrance, for example, celebrated by Giulia at Castello Orsini

Brittany and Louis wanted to set an upbeat, fun tone right from the start. At the same time, Brittany wanted to give her Dad — who was up for it! — a leading role because she had always had that romantic dream that he would be the one “giving her away”. This was the result they came up with, encouraged by their celebrant to take the leap of faith: a dramatic entrance down the medieval stairs of the castle, the guests looking on, amazed, from their seats below, accompanied by the song they had chosen to represent their love and, boy, did father and daughter rock!

Check it out for yourselves!

Rocking bride entrance with bride and her father dancing at castle in Italy

Another example throws tradition out of the window altogether, but it is still deeply romantic because it visually represents a strong sense of family. This is Valentina and Salvatore’s unconventional rustic garden wedding in Cilento, Campania, celebrated by Sarah. The guests were seated on hay-bales in a circle of love surrounding and protecting them and two friends she used to sing with are providing the music. Because the couple already had children, they wanted to make them feel a part of the ceremony. Their solution: Valentina made her entrance with her two boys and all their little friends, a cortege of children, and Salvatore came and joined them later. As you can see, it was truly an emotional but fun-filled moment.

Bride entering her wedding ceremony with her children and all the kids at the wedding

Here is an example of how you can marry tradition and personalization perfectly in your choice of style for your ceremony. Alessia and Alessandro, a Roman couple together since high school, wanted a wedding with a difference. After discussing all their desires and wishes with Sarah, their celebrant, they went for a beach location and they created an “aisle” that Alessia could “walk down” with her father. Alessia chose the song and kept it a secret from Alessandro, and on hearing it and seeing his glowing bride he was very moved as it was one of “their songs”. This is the beautiful result, complete with a romantic sunset. 

Finally, a couple may want to make their bridal entrance together, hand in hand, united from the start. This can be a good idea for couples who do not like the idea of one of them at the front being observed as they watch their bride or bridegroom walking in. In this brief clip, you can see Lucilla and Stefania making their way towards the focus together.

Bilingual weddings: there's not just one way to do them!

Couple embrace at the “golden hour” after their wedding ceremony in Rome. Photo by Light & Dreams

Working in Italy we do many weddings in Italian and English. Sometimes one of the couple is Italian and the other from an English speaking country (or their shared language is English). Other times, both are Italian but they live and work overseas and have many international guests and therefore want to include them in their ceremony. For these reasons, we work with them to decide the best way to create a bilingual wedding ceremony.

There are various ways to do this and it’s a good idea to evaluate all your options before you start crafting the ceremony with your celebrant.

The celebrant’s role

One way is for the celebrant to write the script in both languages and officiate the entire ceremony alternating between the two. For example, after an introduction in Italian, it is then given in English, and so on for each part of the ceremony. This way everyone present can understand the whole ceremony, however it can make the ceremony a little long, and for those who understand both languages, it could potentially be repetitive.

video clip of celebrant Sarah Morgan in bilingual wedding ceremony in Italian and English in Puglia

To avoid this “consecutive translation” effect, the celebrant could welcome everybody in both languages, and then weave the other parts of the ceremony together using both languages but not in an exact translation. For example, in the Love Story (which is often the most personal and detailed elements the ceremony) the celebrant would use both languages so that all the guests are able to follow the story but without having to hear each detail twice, or laugh at the jokes again. This is a great challenge for the celebrant — a challenge we rise to with pleasure! — but it is usually very successful, inclusive, and emotional for both sides.

In either case, we advise switching over to the second language frequently so that guests do not have to sit through long spells without understanding anything..

A third way, especially if there is a small minority present who only understand one of the languages, would be to welcome them at the beginning and present the couple at the end in their own language. (We have actually done this in many different languages, even ones we don’t speak but it’s always nice to learn how to pronounce a short phrase!). Aside from these moments, the translation of the rest of the ceremony would be printed in advance in the form of a booklet. When the guests take their seats, they will find the booklet and be able to read along.

This format can also be used successfully for other parts of the ceremony such as readings. For example, we have done quite a few bilingual weddings where the couple chooses one reading in English and one in Italian and the translations are provided.

The vows

The vows can be the trickiest part of a bilingual wedding. What you certainly don’t want is for the guests to be able to read the vows before hearing the words from the couple! For this reason it is not a good idea to include them in any translation of the whole or parts of the ceremony.

So what should you do?

One way, even if the couple are both of the same mother-tongue, is for them to write their vows in a mixture of both. For example, Federica and Andrea chose to do this since, even though they are both Italian, they live international lives. They felt that using some English in their vows reflected their life and love, and it didn’t matter that not everybody could follow every word.

Little boy handing out vows at a bilingual wedding ceremony

Another way is to hand out the vows in a written form just before the couple pronounces them, which is what Valentina and Salvatore chose to do. This can be a nice way to include children who can be given the task of distributing them to your guests. Naturally, this involves the celebrant having previously translated them and/or having kept them away from everyone until that moment.

Video clip of bilingual ring exchange in Italian and English in Rome by Diego Mercadante

Another way that we have found to be very touching is for each person to pronounce their vows in the language of the other. This is what Nicoletta and Dàire chose to do when they exchanged rings. Hearing the bride speak to the groom in his language, and vice versa, before their families and friends from both backgrounds, was a very romantic and emotional moment and certainly showed their commitment to accepting one another’s language and cultured including their new families.

Rituals for your wedding in Italy: handfasting (or hand tying)

Handfasting is a beautiful ritual to consider including in your wedding ceremony. It involves the celebrant, or even a special friend or relative, tying cords or ribbons around your hands to signify your union.

Celebrant Sarah Morgan doing a handfasting ritual in a wedding ceremony. Photo by Valeria Mameli. Venue: Azienda Agrituristica Sa Mandar, Sardinia

It has ancient Celtic origins, sometimes used to represent a betrothal as well as sanctifying a couple’s commitment. A ceremony with a couple saying their vows and a handfasting was an alternative to a church wedding for forming a marriage in many parts of Britain for centuries. From the 1960s it has been adopted by Neopagans or Wiccans as their wedding ritual.

In a celebrant-led wedding, like for any other element, you can choose how to adopt this ritual to suit your taste and beliefs. It can be as simple or elaborate as you wish. If you like the Celtic idea of summoning the spirits of nature to bear witness to your union friends can represent the four directions and elements (earth, fire, water, air) by standing around you and the couple can repeat a Celtic handfasting vow before the celebrant ties the cords or ribbons. Or, you can choose to have a very simple handfasting with only a few words before about what it represents for you (to bind your lives together, to tie the knot, to create a tie that is unbreakable etc).

Photo by Light & Dreams

The way in which you hold your hands and the way the cords are tied can vary. One way is that the couple face each other holding both hands the the cords are tied around them as on a gift. Another is to hold your hands by crossing them over and thus forming the infinity symbol, or you can one hand opposite hands or side by side. Instead of your hands forming the infinity symbol you can tie the cords in an infinity knot. Finally, a very simple but effective way is to just loosely drape the cords around your hands.

Photo by Emanuele Fumanti

You can choose cords or ribbons that are in some way meaningful to you (like in a wedding in which one of the brides who had Scottish origins chose to use family tartan ribbons) or colours that are symbolic of qualities you would like for your marriage, or just colours or cords that you just really like. It’s fun to be creative and you can find beautiful handwoven cords to buy and you can decide to braid them yourselves.

It’s your wedding: stand (or sit) where you want!

Celebrant Clarissa Botsford smiling as the seated couple look at each other while holding hands. Photo by Inesse Handmade Photography. Wedding Planner: Mediterranea Wedding and Flowers

At a traditional wedding in Italy, be it a religious or civil ceremony, couples usually stand (or sit) with their backs to their guests, facing the priest or officiant. If you don’t tell the venue or your wedding planner your preference, this is usually how they will place you. But, this way you miss out on seeing your guests’ reactions and interacting with them, and they miss out on seeing the emotion on your faces (which, if we’re honest, is the thing that they most want to see!). However, in a celebrant-led wedding, there are no rules; as with every other aspect of your wedding, you are totally free to decide what’s best for you. Here are some suggestions about positioning that can make the experience of your wedding ceremony better for you and your guests.

One simple but powerful change is to stand (or sit) facing one another so that you can see and feel each other’s emotions, smiles, and tears. This position allows you to turn slightly towards your guests in the lighter moments of the ceremony, such as the love story, and thus include them.  You can then turn your gaze back to one another in the more emotionally-charged moments exclusive to you, such as exchanging your personal vows, or during a special ritual.

Celebrant Sarah Morgan standing in the middle of the couple who for the vows face each other but her are facing slightly outwards and are interacting with their guests. Photo by Monica Leggio. Venue: Villa Pianciani (Spoleto, Umbria). Wedding Planners: Bianco Antico & Laura Bravi Events.

Whether to sit or stand is another choice and it depends on the length or your ceremony and the position you are more comfortable with. Sitting can be a good option if you are planning on involving other people in the ceremony in readings, music, or speeches. If sitting, sit together at a slight angle so you can follow the celebrant and see and interact with the guests. Naturally, if you choose this option, you would stand up for the part in which you are the complete, for the vows and the ring exchange.

Beach wedding with brides sitting to the side with celebrant in the middle (where they will go to say their vows) and reader on the other side

There are no hard and fast rules about who should be on what side, either. Traditionally, the bride was on the left, so that the groom’s sword-hand was free to defend her. In a Jewish wedding, the bride stands to the right of the groom under the Chuppah. In a celebrant-led wedding, you can choose. One of you may think you look better in the photos on one side rather than the other. Again, it’s your wedding so you get to decide.

Similarly, your guests do not have to sit in two different aisles. You can encourage them to mix. Or you can create a semi-circle around the focus — especially in a smaller wedding.

Another small variation can truly revolutionize the ceremony: your celebrant can be positioned away from the focus, for the whole ceremony or for parts of it, so that your guests — and very importantly the photographers — have you and only you in their sights, with nothing else in the frame. The celebrant can stand to one side, not too far away, so that you can maintain eye contact and hear the all-important words of the ceremony. 

Whatever you do, make sure it is your decision. Your celebrant should be open to discussing all your options and explaining the advantages and disadvantages of them.

What is a micro wedding? Why have one instead of a traditional wedding?

Micro weddings is the current buzz word for small, intimate weddings, generally considered those with no more than 20-30 guests. They are also sometimes known as “minimonies”. They should not be confused with elopements, which are weddings with just the couple and the celebrant.

For obvious reasons, they have become a trend in 2020, but in fact many couples were already having them before, especially those who chose to have destination weddings.

Celebrant Sarah Morgan during Emily and Ben’s wedding ceremony an olive grove. Photo by Chris & Ruth

As celebrants working in Italy, we have done many weddings now considered “micro” and from this experience can talk about why some couples choose them over large, traditional weddings.

The wedding ceremony in its essence is about two people standing before their most intimate loved ones and vowing to pledge their lives to one another. A micro wedding ceremony can be very powerful because everyone there is particularly emotionally involved in the moment. It may also mean that the guests were more hands-on in the preparation. For example, at Silvia and Elliot’s wedding when I arrived hours before the ceremony I found their friends and family setting up the chairs and arranging the flowers. It is also easier to involve all the guests in symbolic rituals such as ring warming or forming a circle around the couple if the group is small, such as with Paige and David’s wedding. Some couples, especially shy or reserved ones, find traditional weddings, in which they would be the focus of attention in a large public setting, too much pressure, and so a micro wedding can be the solution.

Video of ring warming during wedding ceremony at intimate wedding in Italy with celebrant Clarissa Botsford looking on

For many couples, having fewer guests to worry about means that they can be more relaxed during the preparation phase and above all on the big day. It means they can spend more time with each guest.

Cost may also be a reason for the couple not to have a large wedding, but some couples, instead of saving money, chose to spend more days with their guests. For example, Ben and Emily from New Zealand had their wedding ceremony at the end of a week spent with their dearest friends and family members so it came as a culmination of an amazing sojourn, of a shared experience.

From the celebrant’s point of view, I have to admit I love to do weddings without a microphone. It is also easier to be flexible in terms of when to start the ceremony in case of shifting weather if there are fewer guests to shepherd around.

That said, micro weddings are not for everyone. Many couples dream about having large weddings and they have their own advantages. Disappointing family members and friends by not inviting them to your small wedding is undoubtedly the biggest drawback. However, they can be combined with a party or a series of celebrations in order to share the experience with everyone (perhaps even projecting images of the wedding ceremony).

Trust Yourselves: Make Your Wedding Ceremony Authentic

How a celebrant can help

When you are planning your wedding ceremony together, the first questions you will be asking yourselves are: Who should we invite? When should we do it? Where shall we do it? These questions are part of the planning phase.

With your celebrant, you will enter into a more creative phase, when your personalised ceremony will begin to take shape. The celebrant will ask you questions that will probe more deeply into your motivations: how did you arrive at the decision to get married? How do you imagine your ceremony? How will you give the ceremony meaning?

An infinity knot with three colours, two strands representing the couple’s past and one symbolising their future

Photography: Sofia Rebicek and Massimiliano Esposito, Light & Dreams

““Creation is not about giving the ceremony meaning or what it should mean; it is about uncovering what it means to you.””

Once you have found the answers to these questions, with your celebrant’s guidance, you will be ready to start thinking about what will make your ceremony truly yours and truly authentic. 

Every element of your ceremony should have a real connection with you or your lives. You are at the centre of your ceremony, and anything that has meaning for you will make the ritual meaningful.

If the venue you choose has some meaning for you, and the personal promises you exchange come from inside you and your own experience, you and everyone participating will take that meaning away with them.

Trust your instincts and find the source of your meaning from inside you.

“The creative process grows out of our human need to mark an occasion or a life event as being special. Primal ritual materials include people, participation and place; from these three sources come the words, gestures and objects that anchor ritual in reality.””

Your celebrant will advise you that in a ceremony, simplicity conveys meaning more effectively. Complexity can create confusion and take people’s attention from you, who are at the centre.

Your celebrant helps you relate your personal content to the form of the ceremony, so that the essence of who you are and why you are celebrating is always clear.

Bride reading her vow to her bridegroom with them wearing crowns, which derives from the bridegroom’s background. Photo by Sotiris Tsakanikas

Similarly, if you choose a symbolic rite for your wedding (sand ceremony, wine ceremony, handfasting, etc.) your celebrant will help you create a context for this choice to show how this rite belongs to you and your ceremony rather than being “borrowed”, or she or he will help you to create a new one.

In both these ways, your ceremony will be authentic and unique. Yours and yours only. 

In a wedding ceremony, your relationship is at the centre of the ceremony, with your family and friends participating actively with their presence (and sometimes in other ways).  

A professional celebrant is essential to preside over the ceremony and keep you and your partner “in the frame”, leaving you both free to concentrate fully on one another and to relax and enjoy this highly significant and emotional moment in your life.

(The quotes are from Jeltje Gordon Lennox, Crafting Secular Ritual, 2017)

Why get married in Italy in autumn

Pille & Juhan’s wedding near Spoleto (Umbria) in late October. Photo by Italy Wedding Story Tellers shot by Elisa Michelini and Andrea Cittadini.

While the most popular time for weddings in Italy continue to be May - early June and late August - early September, there are many reasons to have your wedding in late September and October.

Foremost, is the temperature. There may not be those long warm evenings in autumn like there are in summer, however autumn in Italy can often have warm sunny days (called the “ottobrate” in Rome) that often come in October when the sting has gone from the heat and when you can really enjoy being outside. With the more comfortable temperatures you can have your wedding ceremony during the day and then celebrate all afternoon outside, which is impossible in summer.

Secondly, is the light. Artists have always appreciated the changes in colour and light at this time of year and photographers can certainly take advantage of the softer and more romantic light as well as the changing colours of the landscape. Spring may well be known for its vigour and brightness but autumn has a more subtle and refined quality.

Thirdly, is the price. Since the demand on venues goes down after the peak period you can save money getting married at this time of year. Venues for your wedding, as well as for your honeymoon if you stay on in Italy, can cost considerably less.. Additionally, there are far fewer tourists at this time of year compared with spring or summer and so it’s one of the best times of year for sightseeing.

Of course, in autumn there can also be blustery and rainy days, so there is no guarantee and you must always have a rainy weather option for your ceremony and reception. However, I have officiated at weddings in summer when it rained and so this is true for any day you pick. And, changeable weather can also happen in spring so in itself should not put you off autumn.

For me personally, living in Italy late September and October is my favourite time of the year. I live in the countryside and it’s a time when I start to enjoy going for long walks, picking some of nature’s bounty (for example our walnuts and hazelnuts as well as pears), watching as the vineyards harvest their grapes (the view from our house is across a hill to a vineyard which I love watching change colour from green, to yellow, and then to red), and then picking our own olives at the end of October and enjoying the amazing taste of our new olive oil.

Sarah