A video clip of an example of how to remember loved ones in a wedding ceremony with celebrant Clarissa Botsford
There are so many ways to remember a relative or loved one as an integral part of your personalised wedding. After all, your wedding day is a way to celebrate with the people you love. The need to remember and honour a deceased loved one is especially strong if it is a family member you have always imagined would be there on this most special day and their absence is felt all the more keenly.
It is part of our role as celebrants to help you as a couple to work out how to acknowledge them in your unique ceremony, crafting the words until everybody feels comfortable with them and that help to create an atmosphere of shared emotion that blesses your day, or, if you do not want anything said, finding a private way to represent their presence.
Here are 9 ideas of remembering your loved ones who are deceased:
Keep a seat reserved.
One of our brides kept a front-row chair aside for her twin sister who had sadly died. She thought it would be too difficult to have anything said, but the rose on the seat was a reassuring presence for her and the space did not feel empty; it was filled with love and good memories.
Include them in your symbolic rite
A glass raised, for example, during a wine ceremony, or an extra layer of a differently coloured sand to add in their name. An added ribbon or cord during a hand-fasting, or a close relative laying the ribbon or cord on your hands in their name, could be very effective. Your loved one would be forever woven into your life, or tied into your infinity knot.
Have a moment of reflection.
Of course, you do not want to transform your wedding day into a memorial service, but a subtly-written, even humorous, mention of the importance of that person in your life and the role they will continue to play throughout your marriage, can be very powerful. A moment of silence with some music that evokes their memory is another way to honour them.
Dedicate a reading or a piece of music they would have chosen
Dedicating a reading to someone — perhaps an excerpt from a story they once read to you, a poem you know they loved, or something like a letter they wrote to you —or a piece of music that somehow captures their essence can be very uplifting.
Have an open locket with a photograph arranged into your bouquet
This is a very subtle, and intimate, way to remember someone you love. You can hold the locket for extra luck while you are saying your vows, or simply feel that person’s presence, lending you strength.
Wear something special on the day
Another even more subtle way to honour someone’s memory is simply to wear something of theirs on the day (“something old…”)
Include a favourite recipe in the refreshments
Call it something special on the menu like “Nonna Vincenza’s top tiramisu”.
Include something in the Programme Booklet
A photo, an anecdote, a joke, a favourite short poem, could be included in the wedding booklet as a way to underline their presence on the day.
Give a close relative of the deceased a special role in the ceremony
If your father has died, for example, maybe his brother can take you down the aisle? Or have the first dance.
A few words of advice …
If it is one of your parents who has passed away, do not include them on the wedding invitation as if they were hosting the event since this may be difficult for guests to interpret.
If you are planning something in your personalised ceremony to remember a loved one, it is a good idea to check with your closest family and theirs (a second marriage, perhaps?) to make sure they are okay with it. The last thing you want is to create a scene on your wedding day.
And remember, there is no one right way to remember a loved one. Talk through the options with your celebrant and think about how you will feel on the big day as some ways may be too emotional for you.
