What is a micro wedding? Why have one instead of a traditional wedding?

Micro weddings is the current buzz word for small, intimate weddings, generally considered those with no more than 20-30 guests. They are also sometimes known as “minimonies”. They should not be confused with elopements, which are weddings with just the couple and the celebrant.

For obvious reasons, they have become a trend in 2020, but in fact many couples were already having them before, especially those who chose to have destination weddings.

Celebrant Sarah Morgan during Emily and Ben’s wedding ceremony an olive grove. Photo by Chris & Ruth

As celebrants working in Italy, we have done many weddings now considered “micro” and from this experience can talk about why some couples choose them over large, traditional weddings.

The wedding ceremony in its essence is about two people standing before their most intimate loved ones and vowing to pledge their lives to one another. A micro wedding ceremony can be very powerful because everyone there is particularly emotionally involved in the moment. It may also mean that the guests were more hands-on in the preparation. For example, at Silvia and Elliot’s wedding when I arrived hours before the ceremony I found their friends and family setting up the chairs and arranging the flowers. It is also easier to involve all the guests in symbolic rituals such as ring warming or forming a circle around the couple if the group is small, such as with Paige and David’s wedding. Some couples, especially shy or reserved ones, find traditional weddings, in which they would be the focus of attention in a large public setting, too much pressure, and so a micro wedding can be the solution.

Video of ring warming during wedding ceremony at intimate wedding in Italy with celebrant Clarissa Botsford looking on

For many couples, having fewer guests to worry about means that they can be more relaxed during the preparation phase and above all on the big day. It means they can spend more time with each guest.

Cost may also be a reason for the couple not to have a large wedding, but some couples, instead of saving money, chose to spend more days with their guests. For example, Ben and Emily from New Zealand had their wedding ceremony at the end of a week spent with their dearest friends and family members so it came as a culmination of an amazing sojourn, of a shared experience.

From the celebrant’s point of view, I have to admit I love to do weddings without a microphone. It is also easier to be flexible in terms of when to start the ceremony in case of shifting weather if there are fewer guests to shepherd around.

That said, micro weddings are not for everyone. Many couples dream about having large weddings and they have their own advantages. Disappointing family members and friends by not inviting them to your small wedding is undoubtedly the biggest drawback. However, they can be combined with a party or a series of celebrations in order to share the experience with everyone (perhaps even projecting images of the wedding ceremony).

Trust Yourselves: Make Your Wedding Ceremony Authentic

How a celebrant can help

When you are planning your wedding ceremony together, the first questions you will be asking yourselves are: Who should we invite? When should we do it? Where shall we do it? These questions are part of the planning phase.

With your celebrant, you will enter into a more creative phase, when your personalised ceremony will begin to take shape. The celebrant will ask you questions that will probe more deeply into your motivations: how did you arrive at the decision to get married? How do you imagine your ceremony? How will you give the ceremony meaning?

An infinity knot with three colours, two strands representing the couple’s past and one symbolising their future

Photography: Sofia Rebicek and Massimiliano Esposito, Light & Dreams

““Creation is not about giving the ceremony meaning or what it should mean; it is about uncovering what it means to you.””

Once you have found the answers to these questions, with your celebrant’s guidance, you will be ready to start thinking about what will make your ceremony truly yours and truly authentic. 

Every element of your ceremony should have a real connection with you or your lives. You are at the centre of your ceremony, and anything that has meaning for you will make the ritual meaningful.

If the venue you choose has some meaning for you, and the personal promises you exchange come from inside you and your own experience, you and everyone participating will take that meaning away with them.

Trust your instincts and find the source of your meaning from inside you.

“The creative process grows out of our human need to mark an occasion or a life event as being special. Primal ritual materials include people, participation and place; from these three sources come the words, gestures and objects that anchor ritual in reality.””

Your celebrant will advise you that in a ceremony, simplicity conveys meaning more effectively. Complexity can create confusion and take people’s attention from you, who are at the centre.

Your celebrant helps you relate your personal content to the form of the ceremony, so that the essence of who you are and why you are celebrating is always clear.

Bride reading her vow to her bridegroom with them wearing crowns, which derives from the bridegroom’s background. Photo by Sotiris Tsakanikas

Similarly, if you choose a symbolic rite for your wedding (sand ceremony, wine ceremony, handfasting, etc.) your celebrant will help you create a context for this choice to show how this rite belongs to you and your ceremony rather than being “borrowed”, or she or he will help you to create a new one.

In both these ways, your ceremony will be authentic and unique. Yours and yours only. 

In a wedding ceremony, your relationship is at the centre of the ceremony, with your family and friends participating actively with their presence (and sometimes in other ways).  

A professional celebrant is essential to preside over the ceremony and keep you and your partner “in the frame”, leaving you both free to concentrate fully on one another and to relax and enjoy this highly significant and emotional moment in your life.

(The quotes are from Jeltje Gordon Lennox, Crafting Secular Ritual, 2017)

Why get married in Italy in autumn

Pille & Juhan’s wedding near Spoleto (Umbria) in late October. Photo by Italy Wedding Story Tellers shot by Elisa Michelini and Andrea Cittadini.

While the most popular time for weddings in Italy continue to be May - early June and late August - early September, there are many reasons to have your wedding in late September and October.

Foremost, is the temperature. There may not be those long warm evenings in autumn like there are in summer, however autumn in Italy can often have warm sunny days (called the “ottobrate” in Rome) that often come in October when the sting has gone from the heat and when you can really enjoy being outside. With the more comfortable temperatures you can have your wedding ceremony during the day and then celebrate all afternoon outside, which is impossible in summer.

Secondly, is the light. Artists have always appreciated the changes in colour and light at this time of year and photographers can certainly take advantage of the softer and more romantic light as well as the changing colours of the landscape. Spring may well be known for its vigour and brightness but autumn has a more subtle and refined quality.

Thirdly, is the price. Since the demand on venues goes down after the peak period you can save money getting married at this time of year. Venues for your wedding, as well as for your honeymoon if you stay on in Italy, can cost considerably less.. Additionally, there are far fewer tourists at this time of year compared with spring or summer and so it’s one of the best times of year for sightseeing.

Of course, in autumn there can also be blustery and rainy days, so there is no guarantee and you must always have a rainy weather option for your ceremony and reception. However, I have officiated at weddings in summer when it rained and so this is true for any day you pick. And, changeable weather can also happen in spring so in itself should not put you off autumn.

For me personally, living in Italy late September and October is my favourite time of the year. I live in the countryside and it’s a time when I start to enjoy going for long walks, picking some of nature’s bounty (for example our walnuts and hazelnuts as well as pears), watching as the vineyards harvest their grapes (the view from our house is across a hill to a vineyard which I love watching change colour from green, to yellow, and then to red), and then picking our own olives at the end of October and enjoying the amazing taste of our new olive oil.

Sarah

9 ideas for remembering lost loved ones in your wedding ceremony

A video clip of an example of how to remember loved ones in a wedding ceremony with celebrant Clarissa Botsford

There are so many ways to remember a relative or loved one as an integral part of your personalised wedding.  After all, your wedding day is a way to celebrate with the people you love. The need to remember and honour a deceased loved one is especially strong if it is a family member you have always imagined would be there on this most special day and their absence is felt all the more keenly. 

It is part of our role as celebrants to help you as a couple to work out how to acknowledge them in your unique ceremony, crafting the words until everybody feels comfortable with them and that help to create an atmosphere of shared emotion that blesses your day, or, if you do not want anything said, finding a private way to represent their presence.  

Here are 9 ideas of remembering your loved ones who are deceased:

1. Keep a seat reserved. 

   One of our brides kept a front-row chair aside for her twin sister who had sadly died. She thought it would be too difficult to have anything said, but the rose on the seat was a reassuring presence for her and the space did not feel empty; it was filled with love and good memories. 

2. Include them in your symbolic rite 

   A glass raised, for example, during a wine ceremony, or an extra layer of a differently coloured sand to add in their name. An added ribbon or cord during a hand-fasting, or a close relative laying the ribbon or cord on your hands in their name, could be very effective. Your loved one would be forever woven into your life, or tied into your infinity knot. 

3. Have a moment of reflection. 

   Of course, you do not want to transform your wedding day into a memorial service, but a subtly-written, even humorous, mention of the importance of that person in your life and the role they will continue to play throughout your marriage, can be very powerful. A moment of silence with some music that evokes their memory is another way to honour them.  

4. Dedicate a reading or a piece of music they would have chosen 

   Dedicating a reading to someone — perhaps an excerpt from a story they once read to you, a poem you know they loved, or something like a letter they wrote to you —or a piece of music that somehow captures their essence can be very uplifting. 

5. Have an open locket with a photograph arranged into your bouquet 

   This is a very subtle, and intimate, way to remember someone you love. You can hold the locket for extra luck while you are saying your vows, or simply feel that person’s presence, lending you strength. 

6. Wear something special on the day 

   Another even more subtle way to honour someone’s memory is simply to wear something of theirs on the day (“something old…”) 

7. Include a favourite recipe in the refreshments 

   Call it something special on the menu like “Nonna Vincenza’s top tiramisu”. 

8. Include something in the Programme Booklet 

   A photo, an anecdote, a joke, a favourite short poem, could be included in the wedding booklet as a way to underline their presence on the day. 

9. Give a close relative of the deceased a special role in the ceremony 

   If your father has died, for example, maybe his brother can take you down the aisle? Or have the first dance.  

   A few words of advice … 

If it is one of your parents who has passed away, do not include them on the wedding invitation as if they were hosting the event since this may be difficult for guests to interpret. 

If you are planning something in your personalised ceremony to remember a loved one, it is a good idea to check with your closest family and theirs (a second marriage, perhaps?) to make sure they are okay with it. The last thing you want is to create a scene on your wedding day. 

And remember, there is no one right way to remember a loved one. Talk through the options with your celebrant and think about how you will feel on the big day as some ways may be too emotional for you.

How to choose a wedding celebrant in Italy

In this video clip Sarah gives a few tips about how to choose your celebrant emphasising the importance of training, experience as well as rapport.. All of our celebrants here at Passaggi completed training courses and are certified celebrants.

Video clip with celebrant Sarah Morgan about how to choose your wedding celebrant in Italy.

Clarissa's interview on Radio News 24

We were delighted that Passaggi was recently contacted to talk on national Italian radio (Radio News 24) about our work.. We decided that Clarissa would be the best for the interview and she did a splendid job talking about what celebrants do in general and how some are adapting to the new conditions during the Covid crisis.

A special ring warming ceremony

In this intimate ceremony, the couple had decided they didn’t want to say their personal vows out loud in public. Rather, they wanted to look each other in the eyes and think them. As their celebrant, I suggested combining this important moment with another ritual - a ring warming. The couple stood in the middle of a circle made up of their closest friends and families holding a white cord around them. The wedding rings were passed along the cord from person to person; each time they were held for a moment and “warmed” with thoughts and blessings for the couple. Accompanied by soft music it really gave us all the shivers. There’s a short video of this here:

https://vimeo.com/389958630